Tech Support Jokes
All stories believed to be in the public domain.
UNIX Convention
Overheard at the airport:
Her: "And where are you going?"
Him: "I'm going to San Francisco to a UNIX convention."
Her: "Eunuchs convention? I didn't know there were that many of you."
Setting Up E-mail
One time I was trying to set up a friend's e-mail program. I walked him through setting up an account with the incoming and outgoing server names set to "mail," but it didn't work. I tried again, and it still didn't work. I was starting to run out of ideas, and then the customer said, "If my mail server name is 'male,' does that mean my girlfriend's server is 'female'?"
Save your Work
I had a friend stop by to ask me a computer question. She had a Windows system.
Her: "I'd like to save my work onto a floppy disk so I can take it with me."
Me: "OK, after you are done typing your work, on the top you will see a blue bar. Below it is a gray bar with words on it. This is called the menu bar. On the menu bar, click the word 'File.' From there, you will see a gray box appear. On this gray box, click 'Save As'. On the top of the next gray box, click on the white box with 'Save In' next to it. From this next white box, click on '3 1/2 Floppy'."
Her: (writing all this down) "Ok, thanks, one more question."
Me: "Sure."
Her: "Does the floppy disk need to be in the computer when I save my work?"
Read the Screen!
Customer: "The install fails half way through. I tried several times, and it always fails at the same point."
Tech Support: "Did you see any kind of error message?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "What did the error message say?"
Customer: "It said, 'Please insert Disk 2.'"
Tech Support: "Have you got another disk there?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Is it labeled 'Disk 2'?"
Customer: "Yes, it is."
Tech Support: "Insert that disk into the drive, and click 'OK'."
Customer: "Wow, thanks! That's fixed it. It's installing now. What was it, a faulty disk or something?"
Font Problem
Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?"
Customer: "When I change my font sizes, the letters change size."
Be Patient!
Newbie: "The computer you have works, right?"
Expert: "Yes, it's brand new, why?"
Newbie: "Well I was wondering if I could put mine like that."
Expert: "What do you mean?"
Newbie: "Well the big box, it's on the wrong side."
Expert: "What big box?"
Newbie: (pointing to the CPU case) "That one."
Expert: "I don't know what you mean."
Newbie: "Well mine is on the right."
Expert: "It doesn't matter which side it's on, as long as the cable reaches."
Newbie: "Really?"
Expert: "Really."
Newbie: "So that means I can put the printer anywhere too?"
Expert: (chuckling) "Yeah."
Stupid Tech Support
I had trouble downloading software once, so I called tech support.
Me: "I can't seem to get this download to complete. What might be causing it?"
Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
Me: "Windows NT."
Tech Support: "Well, you have to be running Windows 98 or better in order to download it."
Me: "Ummm, I am. I'm running Windows NT4, SP5."
Tech Support: "Are you on a PC or a MAC?"