Official: Top Ten Reasons for using Linux

by Neptune - Chief Statistician, NIASJ

We at the Neptune Institute for Advanced Statistical Jabberwocky (NIASJ) have exhaustively compiled the results of poll after poll pertaining to the reasons that people choose to use Linux. We believe this is the most comprehensive work on the subject to date, and are pleased to present the results here.

While there were few surprises, there were a couple of anomalous results that we feel merit further study, preferably with the aid of a large government grant.

Without further ado, here are the top ten reasons given for using Linux, in ascending order.

10) Because... I have a serious fetish for Antarctic waterfowl.

9 ) Because... It's the only OS that will let me play my out-of-region DVD of 'Janet Reno's Top Forty Dance Moves' (featuring the Macarena)

8 ) Because... I was molested by Windows as a child.

7 ) Because... I can install it on my food processor.

6 ) Because... I think "Kernel Hacker" would be a great name for a rock band.

5 ) Because... Rebooting gives me a strange pain in my left elbow.

4 ) Because... I like to confuse the snot out of my ISP's technicians when they make a service call.

3 ) Because... Those Mac ads are starting to creep me out.

2 ) Because... Richard Stallman haunts my dreams.

1 ) Because... That Linus guy is such a total hunk.

We at the NIASJ have determined that these results have a confidence factor of 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, because, as far as we can tell, that is most likely the body temperature of Pamela Anderson.

Further confidence is lent to the results by confirming that our numbers, when converted to appropriate units of measure, then divided by 3.1415926536, invariably gave the diameter of a number of tasty round foods, ranging from donuts to pizza.


Chief Statistician, NIASJ